hi! it's been awhile since I wrote a journal, so I thought it might be time. I think I haven't written because all I have to say is negative. but that's the way it's been, so there you go.
the last time I wrote I was going to have my second epidural cortisone injection. that didn't work any better than the first one did. it was very depressing. I realized that not much is gonna help.
I've been to the movies a couple of times which is pretty exciting. before this illness I couldn't handle being around so many people and out of the house so long. maybe this is an example of me getting stronger.
I'm really weak physically but it seems like I might be becoming emotionally stronger. an example...I noticed that three of the fingers on my left hand were starting to act like the trigger finger was back. my surgeon promised that the surgeries were a permanent fix. that's why I agreed to go along with so much pain and lots of PT and they're still not quite healed. she gave me cortisone injections in all three fingers. I've never had such painful injections. if they're not better in 3 weeks, she wants to do surgery again.
the strong part was, I was able to deal with it, and the injections, I didn't cry or have a panic attack. the doctor said it didn't work because of my diabetes. so be it.
for quite awhile I was too down and the pain was so bad, sitting on a desk chair long enough to paint that I could do it much. I'm learning to manage the little bit of energy and tolerance to things that are painful. I am painting ATCs now, since they're faster and less daunting than larger works. I hope you're enjoying them.
enough for now. I'll be around when I can.